My daughter is three years old and becoming very body conscious -- exploring herself. I'm okay with that. Recently my daughter and her friend, also three years old, were found in a cupboard without clothes, playing "naked games." When we talked she said they had been touching each other. The mother of the other child said that when they are home, they are always naked and they do play a game called "naked baby." She has told them they can do these things, but when they have no visitors and only at home. She is not worried at all by this and thinks that I am overreacting. Is this normal? How best can I explain what's right and wrong to my daughter? Should I stop them playing together? At this stage I have just said "No nakedness, No touching", and if she is asked to play say, "Mommy says No."
The fact that your child wants to explore her own body is perfectly normal, but the story about her friend has me worried also. I don't think I would let my child return to the house in question without assurances from the other mother that there will be no "naked games" when your child is present.
In fact, it would be a good idea for you to go there the first time to establish a new routine for your daughter and this friend. If her mother is not happy with this solution, just have the daughter come over to your place, or meet in neutral, public places like the playground or McDonald's for a short date.
Tell your daughter that our bodies are private. It's fine to touch your own body, but it's not fine to let someone else touch it. These "naked games" can be very stimulating to preschoolers, who are very sexual creatures.
But at the same time, these games can also be frightening for the very reason that they provoke such feelings. More than likely, your daughter told you about the touching because she had a feeling something was wrong.
There comes a time in every person's life when they are old enough to decide whom they want to touch their body. Three years old is much too soon. You will not give a young child a "bad message" about her body by restricting other children from touching her. On the contrary, you will give your child a sense of empowerment. Imagine how important this is if a grown-up ever asks to touch her? She will have the words with her: "No. Our bodies are private."
