When my youngest daughter was born, her siblings were ages seven, nine and ten, and the age difference presented no problem. As time went on, however, the age difference seemed to increase, and sibling rivalry became obvious. When the children argued, rather than the younger becoming more sophisticated in her reasoning, the older ones actually became less mature. I found myself wondering where my 16-year-old had gone -- she acted the same age as the baby! And as the older siblings got older, my little one became more precocious than I liked. At five she wanted to wear makeup like "Sissy." She wanted to wear crop tops like "Sissy." She wanted to watch the same TV shows the big kids watched. My biggest concern became: how can I shelter my little one from the influences of her older siblings?

It is certainly frustrating when younger siblings learn "bad habits" directly from older teens -- especially if they are your older teens. Here are four of the best ways to manage children with big age differences:

1. Be careful not to become angry or blame your older children.
This will only cause them to resent the younger one for "causing trouble." In most cases the younger child is experimenting with this newly learned behavior to see how Mom or Dad will react to it and to see how it feels to be more grown up. The best way to handle problems in this area is to set appropriate but not punitive limits in the way you would with other frustrating behaviors. Watch that you don't overact; instead, suggest some positive ways that your younger child can emulate her older brother or sister. This is also an opportunity to invite a discussion about how the child feels about having a much older sibling.

2. Be careful that you don't fuss over your younger child and forget how your older children feel.
It's not uncommon for your older children to resent the attention the younger one receives, causing them to be resentful and intolerant of the younger sibling. This is a legitimate gripe for many older children, and when necessary, parents would do well to provide a sympathetic ear, rather than dismissing these concerns.

3. Teach your older children about tolerance, understanding, and patience for their younger sibling.
Younger children admire and crave attention and respect from their older siblings and therefore feel confused and hurt if they are rejected. For example, if a teenager is furious that her five-year-old sister took her makeup, CD, or clothes, parents can take the time to show her that she only did it because she wants to be just like her older sister. While this may not help completely, it will give the teenager an opportunity to be forgiving and to feel flattered that she is a role model.

4. Protect the privacy and belongings of older children.
Provide them with shelves and closets to store important belongings. Furthermore, younger siblings need to be taught that they can't touch things that don't belong to them or go in their brother's or sister's room without permission. Older children that feel respected by their parents are much less likely to be intolerant of younger siblings. When mutual respect is cultivated, siblings can become friends even when they are separated by many years.

From the book Midlife Motherhood: A Woman-to-Woman Guide to Pregnancy and Parenting, by Jann Blackstone-Ford (published by St. Martin's Griffin). Interested in finding out more about raising kids in your 30s or 40s? Visit Jann Blackstone-Ford on the Ask the Midlife Mom Expert message board.