Biting, hitting and pulling hair are common misbehaviors in preverbal children. When a toddler lashes out, she's telling you in the only way she knows how that something is bothering her. The problem may be that she's tired, bored, overexcited, confused, frustrated or hungry. Whatever the problem, there's no need to worry: Biting and hitting are not signs that your child is a bully, maladjusted, "bad" or angry, nor are they signs that you are a bad parent. Think of your child's behavior as a form of communication. Learn to "read" the behavior by asking yourself, "What's going on here?"
5 Ways Not to Respond to Biting, Hitting and Hair Pulling:
1. Don't bite back in the hope that it will teach her a lesson.
2. Don't send your child to her room for a time-out. This will only make the behavior more attractive as the commotion created makes her feel more powerful.
3. Avoid lectures.
4. Don't suggest your child hit a pillow. You want to teach your child to solve her problems rather than vent her feelings.
5. Don't ask your child to explain her behavior; focus instead on solving the problem.
Next Page: 7 Steps to Ending Biting, Hitting Once and for All
7 Steps to Ending Biting, Hitting and Other Physical Offences Once and for All
1. BE PROACTIVE. It's more effective to redirect a youngster than it is to punish her after the fact.
2. BE THERE. Don't give a biter opportunity to get in trouble. Stay by her side and intervene when you see trouble coming.
3. BE ATTENTIVE. Respond to the "victim" first. Apologize for your child. (Read below for how to treat human bites.)
4. BE CALM. Your child will learn more from this experience if she is reprimanded in a firm but neutral voice.
5. BE FIRM. Set your child an arms distance away and say to her, "Don't bite. Biting hurts."
6. BE REALISTIC. Have confidence in your child's natural goodness and in her ability to make positive changes -- but expect change to come about slowly.
7. BE APPRECIATIVE. Praise your child whenever she handles herself well.
Treating Human Bites
• Clean the area with soap and water and cover with sterile bandage
• If the skin is broken, visit your health care provider
• Gather and share information about the general health of the biter
TIP: Treat your child with respect, and she'll treat you (and others) with respect in return.
Cathryn Tobin, M.D., is a pediatrician, midwife and a member of the Canadian Pediatric Society and the Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons. Her new book The Parent's Problem Solver: Smart Solutions for Everyday Discipline and Behavior Problems was published by Random House. Dr. Tobin has been speaking on parenting issues for more than 20 years. She lives with her husband and four children in Ontario.
