During prime prom season, teens rent tuxes, procure dates and make (sometimes ambitious) plans for the big night. Prom can be the ultimate 'big deal' to teens, partly because of the tradition that prom night doesn't end when the dance does. Just because it's common practice for prom-goers to stay out all night, should parents waive curfew for the big night? The parents of Parent Soup have been sharing their angst about whether or not to let their kids stay out until morning. Here, they share their ideas about 'parent-approved' ways for kids to have fun and be safe.
"I had a problem with the idea of post-prom parties. It seemed that 'everyone' had plans to stay out all night. The only way we would allow our 16-year-old daughter to do this was by having a 'lock-in' at a friend's home. I talked with the parents and found out there was no coming and going, zero tolerance for alcohol and that the parents would be there all night. The teens were not deprived of any fun, but enjoyed the night together with friends, slept a while then cooked breakfast together."
"We decided to sit down and talk to our son about his plans for after the prom. He explained that the after-prom party was going to be at a student's house, with parents there. The kids had to stay all night, and the parents were going to supervise the entire party. I asked if I could call and speak to the parents, and to my surprise he said, 'Go ahead!' I called, and sure enough everything that he told us was true. So the kids all brought their sleeping bags and pillows, ate snacks, listened to music, watched a movie and slept a bit. The parents woke them up to a home cooked breakfast before sending them home. He enjoyed himself, and we knew that he was safe. Talking to him about his plans was the best thing that we could have done. Calling the parents set our mind at ease (and we weren't the only ones to call either). Thank goodness for the wonderful parents who gave their time and their house for the good of all the teens that attended."
"Bowling is a great idea. Depending on where you live, some bowling alleys offer a 'Rock N Bowl' where they play really loud rock music. Some have 'Black Light Bowling' where they turn all the lights out and use glow-in-the dark pins. Check with your local bowling alleys and see what they offer. Ever try to bowl in a prom dress? Should be fun."
"For the last several years, our school has held an after prom party. Parents organize it, volunteer as chaperones, and donate food. They solicit donations from local businesses and have prize drawings throughout the night, everything from bikes, stereos, TVs, to coupons for free bowling, video rentals and pizzas. It starts after prom and goes on until 4 or 5 a.m. The gym is open for basketball and volleyball, the pool for swimming, or the kids can just hang out, listen to tunes and be together. It's been a real popular event here."
"In our town, even kids in the 10th grade stay in hotel rooms after the prom, with no adult supervision. In the past, we have told our son that he absolutely could not spend the night in a hotel room. Why put a child in an adult situation? But since he is a senior this year, and he has never given us any problems, we thought he should be allowed to go this year. He went this past weekend and everything went great. I will say I was very nervous and cried my eyes out when he drove off. But once the next afternoon arrived and he was home safely, we knew we had made the right decision."
"I'm a foster mom to many teenagers and I say that if it were one of my kids who is 18, I'd let him go to an all-night party. It's hard letting go...boy do I know that. But part of our jobs as parents is to teach these kids how to fly. I don't suggest you just let him do whatever he wants just because he's 18, but I do suggest you look at your own motives for not wanting him to go. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between having his best interests in mind and not wanting to let go of our child because we are scared. Of course, safety comes first and you should tell him that you don't want him to drink, but if he does and gets caught, he needs to take responsibility for it. You're not giving him permission, you're giving him choices. And with all choices come consequences. I had a very difficult time making this decision with my foster son, but ultimately I let him go to the party. He came home the next morning having had an excellent last blast with his friends and he didn't drink at all. He was very responsible in the choices he made and the choices he's made since then. Have some faith and trust in your son -- it goes a long way."
