Looking back, I know that the crush I had on a boy on the water ski team was no more than a childhood crush. Yet, I can remember vividly how I felt at thirteen; I was convinced he was my destiny. I wrote poetry about him. I would wait and go places just to see him. I would pray at night that he might notice me.
At fourteen, I remember my first real kiss. It was a guy in my art class who came over for tutoring. After he kissed me, I knew he was my destiny; surely we would marry. I knew I was in love with him.
I didn't marry any of those crushes (thank goodness!) Yet, the emotions I felt seemed as real as any emotions I feel now. The only difference was I was younger, so I didn't have as much experience to love with.
Kids from age 8 to 18 will go through their share of loves. When parents dismiss this love as puppy love they are denying that the child has the capabilities to love in a real way. Many times this can backfire for parents. Kids will get more involved with their love or rebel to "prove" to their parents their love is real. They may begin to talk about engagement or even children in hopes to get you to validate their love.
It is important to respect a child's capability to love. By denying it, a parent does two things. One, they encourage the child to seek other methods to prove their love is real and also discourage the child from loving. If a child says to you "I'm in love" and you answer "No you're not", you are sending the message that they should not be in love. Kids need guidance in their relationships. They need to know that their feelings are valid, important and real.
If you communicate early on about their feelings for another person, they will continue to come to you to talk about love, sex and STDs. Remember puppy love is only for puppies.
Middle Years
Kids go through a wide range of development between the ages of 6 to 10. At age six it is common to see kids talking, laughing and teasing about cooties and boy/girl germs. But as they age, kids begin to explore with games like kissing tag. Now is the time to begin developing communication about love and sex. In this age group most children will leam either through school programs or friends what sex is. Many times a child is wrongly informed, making your clarification important.
Don't wait for your child to come to you. You are the parent; lead the way.
Preteens
At the ages of 11 and 12, the boy and girl germs are gone and curiosity prevails. Kids at this age often start forming boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.
Some children begin puberty at this age and become curious about their bodies and their feelings.
Statistics show more and more youth are becoming sexually active at early ages and it is not uncommon for 11 to 14-year-olds to have their first intimate encounter, whether it be sex or intimate touching.
Remember with the world we're living in, sex can be suicide in the shadow of AIDS.
Teens
Teens are swamped with messages about sex. They learn more and more from both peers and classes in school. They are often allowed to go to movies that portray sex and watch shows containing sexually explicit content.
They listen to music that glorifies making love and relationships. They go through puberty and discover new sexual urges.
It is in these years many teens have their first sexual experience. To make it to twenty as a virgin has become today's rarity. There is a new growing movement of abstinence that is sweeping the country. Yet, until this becomes the norm, teens need parental guidance like never before. You may not be able to prevent your teen from becoming sexually active. But you can ensure they understand the benefits and the consequences. This article was reprinted with permission from Single Parenting in the Nineties. Copyright 1995 by Pilot Publishing. All rights reserved. This article may be printed out for personal use but may not be reproduced in any other manner, including electronic, without prior written consent from Pilot Publishing. Permission requests may be submitted to Brook Noel.
