My husband and I have been married for two years and have a beautiful and very happy eight-month-old girl. We have an excellent marriage and I am sexually attracted to my husband, but neither of us feel interested in sex since our baby's birth. We have only had sex eight times in the past eight months. It is part scheduling conflict and partly due to the fact that I am still nursing quite often, and feel touched out. I don't want this to become a problem for us. What can we do?
Sex is often the most vulnerable part of a relationship, and it can atrophy if not tended. However, the good news is that this does not seem to be the case in your marriage! Your decrease in frequency is natural and it's great that you both are talking about it.
Diminished desire: 5 ways to pump up the volume
1. Keep talking. Share your fears with your partner. If you feel that he is being overprotective of you and not fully sharing his feelings, it's important to let him know. Allow your partner to express both disappointment and pleasure in the changes that parenthood has brought to your relationship.
2. Be patient with yourself, and your libido. You both are putting energy into the growth and care of another human being. . The physical demands on your body commonly decrease libido, as do work and job pressures for both men and women. The demands of babies and toddlers are more physically exhausting than parenting school-aged children. Your libido will ebb and flow, and being in sync with each other's sexual needs will falter more often during this period.
Next page: More libido-enhancing tips
3. Stay sexual. It is important to maintain the sexual aspect of your relationship while adjusting to these needs. If a marriage begins to resemble more that of a brother and sister and less the quality of a husband and wife relationship, sex can threaten to disappear altogether. Scheduling time for romance and communicating a sense of "specialness" to your partner takes increased effort after children arrive on the scene. But it keeps the fire burning. A low level flame is easily rekindled. Cold ashes are not.
4. Think quality, not quantity. Scheduling private couple time together makes your partner feel loved and considered. Even though it may not be as often as you wish, being able to look forward to relaxing together, sharing your experiences and the changes you have undergone individually and as a couple is necessary foreplay! And it may be interrupted foreplay that begets consummation days or even weeks later.
5. Remember, scheduling is a fact of life. With little ones in the house there is naturally a decrease in spontaneity and frequency in the sexual relationship. Still, it is important to protect your relationship during the enormous changes that occur in the early years of parenthood. Rest assured that taking time to be together now will result in greater desire for closeness and a desire to make time for future lovemaking a priority in your busy schedules.
