Although we all love our children, researchers ( 1,2) who study infant and child development document a need for something more, in order for a child to develop a true and solid appreciation of who they are in the world. With greater understanding of what contributes to healthy development in newborns, infants and children, it becomes clear that adequate "attunement" is also desirable.

To "attune" to our child means that we attempt to respond to his or her needs, particularly emotionally, resulting in the child’s sense of being understood, cared for and valued. Depending on the age and development of the child this means different things. Attuning to a two-year-old child in the midst of a temper tantrum will include not only responding with appropriate limits, but understanding what the emotional meaning of the outburst might be. Is he or she tired? angry? hurt? challenging limits to get clarity? In contrast, attuning to a newborn’s wails will always be an attempt at primary soothing, as limit setting of any kind would be inappropriate. To determine the "attuned" response, we must seek to truly understand the nature of the experience of the child and his or her needs, even though they cannot always tell us. The job of parenthood can be a highly challenging one!