Samantha adores her family. But the intricate planning necessary to pull off such gatherings made her anxious. She worried that her ADD or ADHD would make it hard to hold her own in conversations with far-flung family members, many of whom she didn't know well. Inevitably, one of her relatives would make an insensitive or cutting remark to which she didn't know how to respond. She wound up deflated, resentful and angry.

No longer. Now, if a relative uncorks a zinger, Samantha smiles and says "peanut butter." It stops people every time. What can one say to a non sequitur like that? If the prospect of family get-togethers fills you or your ADHD child with dread, follow these steps to make the most of your next family outing:

• Don't assume you're the only one in your family who has ADD/ADHD. The disorder has a hereditary basis. If you have it, odds are one of your relatives does too. If someone behaves inappropriately or says something offensive, consider the possibility that the person might mean no harm. Comments that seem harsh or cruel may simply be unfiltered.